This actually says ‘The beginning of a beautiful post’, this probably couldn’t be further from the truth. On my social media I’ve done a quick paragraph on my labour story but I’m going to try and tell you everything I remember. It was the 1st of January, 2018. New Year’s Day and I was now 2 days overdue. It got to around 5pm and I realised movements, weren’t quite right. Less than usual. So I rang the maternity unit and was told to go to the maternity ward in the hospital (not my hospital, not the one I wanted to give birth in or had planned for) but I thought it would just be rountie checks, all would be fine then I’d be sent home. Patiently waiting for the day I finally get to meet my baby. But after I was there and I was put on the monitor, baby still wasn’t moving right. I was feeling no kicks but the monitor was picking them up. I was asking my mum to look at my belly because she could always see them and she couldn’t. I felt nothing and seen nothing. But all the traces were fine, still another midwife came to see me and explained they would be inducing me, now. I didn’t even have my hospital bags (silly me!) She said I was overdue anyway and we may as well just crack on, in all my birthing plan it said quite clearly I didn’t want to be induced, but they have a job and so we went down to the induction ward. I’ll try and keep this as short as possible but as detailed as possible. After all routine checks, I had a midwife pop in the pessary. The first tablet. I wasn’t at all dilated and my cervix was showing no signs of getting ready for labour at all. Is it 4/6 hours before they check you again? So anyway the time had passed, a new midwife called Fiona came and introduced herself to me (Fiona if you ever get round to reading this, fuck you hun) She came with my folder and looked at my name and told me how much her husband despised the name Olivia, how awful he thought it was. So she checked me all over, pessary had done nothing. I pulled up my top so she could pop the monitor on and she looked at my belly and said ‘How awful are your stretch marks’, I don’t even think I responded I was so shocked. Like what the hell? I was 18 years old, petrified, I was in pain. My husband wasn’t even here yet and all you can say is your husband hates my name and my stretch marks are awful. Anyway she put my next pessary in, told me to get some sleep and left. I was nervous and excited and couldn’t sleep, it wasn’t my bed. I was uncomfortable so thought I’d go for a walk. When I buzzed to come back into the ward, she actually shouted at me! She told me I had to get some sleep and that’s what she told me to do. She actually SHOUTED at me! Anyway that was the end of Fiona! After an 18 hour rest, 2 more pessarys. 4 in total, Josh had managed to get a flight home and he was here. So nothing was happening, I’d been in the hospital for 2 nights already and it was now Wednesday morning. I was crying my eyes out and my midwife said I was now 1cm dilated. 1 bloody cm! Well it felt like 9 and I was buzzing. Little did I know you could be 1cm for weeeeeks! And my cervix was still high and totally closed. She seen how upset I was and said she was determined to break my waters. After a struggle, she did it! She said it was the most difficult waters she’d ever broke and she pressed the buzzer and in came a flood of midwives, Rome’s heart rate went crazy when she broke my waters. She was furious she was being interrupted! It soon became normal again and I was transferred to the labour room. EEEEEK! So in the labour room, I was told I had to be bed bound my whole labour due to her heart beat still fluctuating. Great! So I was induced, didn’t want! I wanted a water birth, didn’t get! And now I can’t even walk around or even move! I was put on the hormone drip and handed the gas and air! I was told they’d crank the drip up every half an hour. Well within half an hour, it had been put up at least 5 times. Not even being dramatic. So my contractions were non stop, I mean I didn’t get a single breather. Not even 30 seconds. The monitor was showing they weren’t stopping and I couldn’t even catch a breath or hold my own gas and air (my mum and Josh were) I was so out of it, I was making Josh record me saying give me an epidural because I didn’t think I’d be able to when the time came. I was totally out of it, in agony and couldn’t even string a sentence together. My mum said she knew everything was going wrong when I started to projectile vomit. It was all in my hair, all over my clothes, the bed. My hands. I at this point still couldn’t catch a breath and I could hear everyone starting to panic now. Now it all went wrong. In a flash, there was at least 15 midwifes/doctors in the room. All arguing over why they had left it so long. Rome’s heart beat had just had a huge question mark next to it for 6 minutes! They had lost her heart beat for 6 whole minutes and they had only just rang for help. I had some doctor in my face telling me they had to rush me down right now and I had to get all my piercings out, I really wasn’t with it as this point and was trying to scrabble around to get them out but they had no time and next thing you know, I woke up and was told I had a little girl. What? They put me under general anaesthetic and started cutting me open at 9.29am and Rome was born at 9.30am, that’s how quick it was. Everything after this was a blur. I don’t remember finding out Rome was a girl and I hadn’t found out my whole pregnancy what I was having and was convinced I was having a boy. I was dying to breast feed but when it came to it, I just wasn’t up to it, so they give her formula. My temperature dropped quite drastically and I was put under a thermal blanket. I don’t remember any of this and I don’t remember holding Rome for the first time or even naming her. I don’t remember telling my mum or Josh she was a her and she was here or even being transferred to a different ward. From when I can finally remember, I was back up on a ward with 4 other women. In agony with a screaming hungry babe and I was now in a place I wanted to try to breast feed. So my buzzer rang and rang and rang for what felt like forever until someone finally came and helped. Rome was a total natural and I was so grateful. (Still is, kid loves the boob!), again I was left to my own devices and as the hours past by it was all a blur. Everyone left and it was just me, Josh and this tiny little human. The first night in hospital. Nothing can prepare you for that night. It was awful. I imagined it just cuddles and lovely feelings but it was awful, I cried all night. I was so sore and Rome screamed all night. The only baby on the ward that screamed, all night! I couldn’t get out of bed to get her and was relying on Josh who was like a rabbit in head lights. TMI, but I had bled everywhere. All over the bed. It was awful and Josh asked a midwife to come and help change my bedding. She couldn’t be bothered and I’m pretty sure it was me and Josh who did it, she just got us it. Josh asked if my bag attached to the catheter should be that full and the midwife basically shouted at us telling us we should of got her and next time I need to get out of bed and change it myself. Finally the night was over and my mum and dad came back first thing in the morning. I was still in pain so Josh went and asked for some paracetamol for me, so I waited and waited until half an hour had gone by and sent Josh to ask again, they explained they had forgot as that midwife had finished her shift. Great! After this, I was still treated awfully but I think you’ve basically got the point now and if this goes on any longer you’ll have been reading for 3 days. To end, I was discharged, quickly with barely any advice or help. I was left hobbling down the longggggg corridor. Balling my eyes out and crippled over. Midwives walking past me just looking, no offer of any help. I’ve since had trouble dealing with all that had happened to me, but I’m so thankful Rome is here safe and there was absolutely nothing wrong with my little drama queen. She’s now 5 months old and totally amazing. I’m so blessed and for that, thank you midwives. Thank you for reading if you stayed this far. X
