One of the things as a new mum, you’ll hear a lot. If you don’t have a break from your new baby, you’ll go insane, you’ll have a break down, you’ll loose your mind. Maybe for some, but for me, the thought of leaving Rome even to go for a shower, scared the life out of me. I seen all my friends going out when their babies were so young and I envied them, why could I not even let my mum take her to the shop? Why couldn’t I even go for a bath or even go to the toilet? I spent and still do, spend every single living second with Rome. Being without her is just something I’m yet to feel comfortable with. And yes, I probably am going crazy! Being stuck in the house all day every day with a baby can do that to you, but it’s the only time I’m ever fully content also. I say all this like I’ve never left Rome. When Rome was 4 months old it was my birthday and my husband was on leave from his job in the army. So, we planned to go for a few drinks. My mum and dad were going to look after Rome (I’d spend about 3 years expressing 2oz) Okay, exaggeration, but I spent days and hours doing so! My nipples were practically bleeeeeeding and screaming for me to stop. But I did as I thought I could go and enjoy a few drinks. Long story, short. We went out at 9pm and I was home by 11pm. Nope, this whole being without my baby. Wasn’t for me! I worried the whole time, demanded 100 photos and videos and practically ran home and through the door and swooped her up like I hadn’t seen her since she was 3 days old.
If I talk you though how I felt every time I left her, you’d think I was crazy. I couldn’t bear to be apart and whenever I did go for a shower, I’d leave her with my mum and get out of the shower at least twice to listen and make sure she wasn’t crying. Every time I wasn’t in the same room or when I eventually let my mum walk her to the local shops, I’d insist on photos and photos until she got home. (She would literally be 15 minutes tops!) I fell in love with this little human and she became my best friend, I love spending every second with my baby and I can’t bear not being able to have a cuddle whenever I want. I’m obsessed, if you couldn’t already tell. I live and breathe Rome and the thought of not having her absolutely terrifies me. So I’ll cut to the chase, I’m now combi feeding and have been for a while. On the 18th May I decided it was time, I could do this! So I arranged to go to my friends hen do to Newcastle. I went and I had a GREAAAAT time. I really enjoyed myself. Still checked up a lot but I relaxed, I danced and I had fun. Only to wake up in the morning to a phone call saying my mum had to ring 999 and they had been in the hospital all night. Rome had become unresponsive, blue and floppy. (She was totally fine after and my mum handled it amazingly and I’m so grateful for her) but as you can imagine, I now never ever want to leave Rome again. All my fears became a reality and I wish I would of been here, I still wish I’d of been there.
Some people find it easy to leave their babies and some find it difficult, there is no right emotion and no mum should feel bad for going out and enjoying them selves but like me, no mum should feel judged and crazy for not wanting to leave their babies too. Everyone goes at different paces and whether it’s 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years it doesn’t matter. Happy parent, happy baby and that’s all that matters. Rome is my best friend and even on bad days, I love spending every single second with her. I sometimes wish I could have 5 minutes just to close my eyes and just sit in silence but having a baby. What did I expect? My life will never be peaceful again and there’s no other way I’d ever want it. Thank you all again for reading! If that has even made one person feel a little bit sane and less crazy then I’ll be glad 💖