Sorry I’ve been quiet for a while, we’ve only just got our WiFi installed! I’ll be a lot more regular with my blogs now, yay! The minute you see those two lines, you aren’t just you anymore. You’re a mum. You’re the reason a little being is alive and that’s you now. A care free 18 year old, that’s what I was. I had time to do my hair and make up everyday, the second those wages went into my bank I couldn’t wait to log onto ASOS and get spending. A peaceful shower, wow I don’t even remember what one of those is. Free to do whatever I pleased, whenever I pleased. I worked 5 days a week and then my weekend was all about me, drinking, eating, shopping and just laying around doing a sweet nothing!
The 28th April 2017, just 7 days after I turned 18, I didn’t even suspect a thing. I realised my period was a few days late but thought it could of been anything, one of my friends said maybe get a test to be sure, so we did. Bloody hell, them two lines couldn’t of been any bolder, so there I was. Pregnant! Like I said, the second you take that test you become a mum and that I did. I took the test and didn’t touch another cigarette for the whole of my pregnancy, not one! My wages now went on nappies and my ASOS shopping wasn’t exactly glamorous, size 16 leggings, a maternity t shirt and some good old granny knickers (we’ve all got them, don’t lie. Come on, they are the shit!)
Pregnancy passes and then I was blessed with this tiny person, a baby girl. Just completely perfect and all mine! Having a newborn baby can be so overwhelming. Rome is 7 months now and it’s only now I can look back and think, when did I ‘loose myself’? When did I become just a mum and not a wife? When did I become just a mum and not a daughter? When did I become a mum and not just me? I became so wrapped up in having a baby, nothing else and no body else mattered. Your life is always going to change with a baby, that’s a fact but it’s still okay to be you. It’s okay to put your make up on, it’s okay to ask someone to look after your baby while you spend a few hours seeing your friends, it’s okay to spend some time on your own. I say all this hypocritically with Rome clinging on to my top fast asleep and the thought of leaving her still terrifies me (read my previous blog) 7 months on, I don’t feel so bad going to get my eyebrows done (Rome comes with me), I don’t feel so bad ordering myself a new t-shirt (It may be only £7 from the sale while Rome is wearing next’s finest), I don’t feel so bad buying a new pair of Primark socks (while Rome’s wearing the best handmade I could find), I don’t feel so bad going out for lunch (So Rome will be sat on my knee screaming for most of it), but the point is I’m finding myself again, just a new me. A better version, a more selfless, giving and happier person and that’s all because I am ‘Romes mum’. So mummy’s, buy those shoes, put a face mask on, drink that wine and eat that take away, let your hair down every once in a while, accept the help offered and remember, just because you’re a mum doesn’t mean you aren’t you anymore. You are just a new you, who’s never been so loved before.
